Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
