you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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