Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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