She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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