Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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