i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
