she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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