Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
