yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
