Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
please come you make the beer taste better
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
