Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
