Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
