I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
