My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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