I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How external is "for external use only"?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
