well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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