There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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