can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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