i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
