Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
