so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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