Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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