Best friends brother. Beat that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize