I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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