PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
