i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
