forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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