Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
