would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
