i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
