Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
