So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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