I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
