Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
