Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
