You really coming over, don't trick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
