We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
