I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
