cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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