if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've blown a few things in my day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
