So drunk its hurt
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
