So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
