We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
