she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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