is wine microwaveable?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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