He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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