Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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