I have demons in me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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