OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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