On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
